Oh, Zeus, mighty god of rain, have pity on us, the people of Northern California for we lack sun & that makes us impatient & lethargic at the same time. Also, thy brother, Hades, is shoving thy stinkin’ rainwater into the basements of the unfortunate & thus sufferers find thy element above & below.
Give us, we ask, just 48 hours of sunshine that our shoes may dry & our yards return from the ignominy of resembling the swamp world of Yoda. And also, w/o actually cursing them, please threaten rain over spring training camps, especially in protuberant Florida and sun-kissed Ariziona where those who think ahead bask and smile in the yellow sun, laughing, as they delete w/o reading the weather updates on their smartphones.
We petition thee with mixed feelings as the cursed drought forever hangs above us, & we do not wish for that extreme, either; & bless the mountains with the divine snow, bringer of chapped lips cracked with the smiles of those who glide on boards. But we DO petition thee for two days of dryness, two cycles of the yellow sun, to aid us in retaining our civility & to exchange movies at Blockbuster. Thank you in advance.